i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
