I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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