Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
