I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
