I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you would pick up someone in the library
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
