I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
