Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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