my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
