I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
