It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
