oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
