This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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