their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
