it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
