omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
