I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
