you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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