dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
