I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
