He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
