every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize