He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
