Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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