The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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