I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
