He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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