There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize