Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
