I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize