i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize