i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
