At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
