He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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