I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
