I'm really into asian looking animals
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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