I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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