I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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