What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
