Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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