Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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