i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
