I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize