I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
