This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
