yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
