I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
