Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
True strength comes from lack of pants
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