Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
smell my finger.
Less talking, more tequila
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
