Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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