Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
