definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
