i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
