So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
