from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
