I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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