we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
