When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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