Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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