So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
