my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize