On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
