I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize