Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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