cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
