Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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