so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
