I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize