I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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