It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
