sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
