kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
