Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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