Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i drank out of a bidet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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