That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
