3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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