One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
